Seems everyone has something at least mildly interesting to say on their blogs. I just report the events of my mundane life. But maybe I like it this way. I like keeping my secrets to myself most of the time. Some are better left that way. I don't know if it's cos they make me feel vulnerable...or maybe my thoughts are just simple, and more often than not, have no link to the current situation.

I've been trying to go shower for the last half an hour...but it's still occupied. I'm getting nervy and lazy. I wanna feel clean when I go for my exam in 45 minutes. I don't wanna go with oily hair. I'm scared already. I've never liked oral exams...and when I heard how strict the examiners were, I just freaked out. What can I do? I hope it goes ok and I come back feeling better.

To be honest, I've sorta been in a semi-depressive cloud recently. I don't know why. Like I'm floating around aimlessly..although I have a ton of things to do, if I think about it carefully. Instead..I just eat, sleep and read. I've finally finished reading "The Accidental Tourist" by Anne Tyler. I've wanted to read it since I was 14 and we read the opening chapter for a novel writing class. But I never got down to it. So I count myself lucky that I found the German translation at 2.95 Euros at the train station at Cottbus. And now I'm done. It's really not bad. It's heart-wrenching really. Though of course, I didn't understand every word.

Maybe the depression of falling out of love has something to do with it. I meet a guy who likes me despite my inadequacies. But I hate him for his. How can I be so shallow? Can't I ignore other people's opinions? But honestly, I don't think what other people have said influences me. I feel like Martha, in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?". Wanting her husband to succeed, instead of languishing in mediocrity, Martha pushes him hard...too hard? So hard that his will breaks? I don't know. Maybe I know I have weaknesses, but I depise those of others so as to distract myself from my own. I forget the term for this. Maybe I'll never be satisfied with what I have. Maybe I always want better...though I don't possess the qualifications nor am I in the right conditions. Who knows. Why do I want more? Most of me prefers to be happy with my lot in life...and when I think about it, I am really privileged. I'm not rich, but I can have most of what I want within reason. I'm not a straight A student, but I do ok in school, if I put my mind to it. I don't have many friends, but I like those that I have. I don't have any talents, but I'm lucky most of the time...get chances that other people don't get offered and chances that I probably didn't deserve to get either. Why am I complaining? The sad thing is really, the more people have, the more they desire. What a sad fact. It's time to break out of the vicious cycle!