Have I lost my will to live? I'm not thinking about suicide...but more like my life doesn't have much meaning at the moment. The weather's excellent today. And all I did was sleep, eat and stare out the window. But I spent most of my time sleeping. I'm turning into a zombie. It's not that I have nothing to do. I somehow just get the feeling that it's not worth doing anymore. It's been a long time since I felt like this. I thought I had my life well under control...as if whatever blows life decided to throw my way, I'd survive. But slowly, I'm beginning to only see the black. I'm losing my will to fight. Sometimes I feel so numb that I can't even cry anymore. Maybe I need to cry. Maybe I have to stop pretending that nothing's wrong. And after a period of grieving, I should get back onto my feet. Right. Easier said than done. Right now I just feel like hiding from the world. And slowly, I feel my sanity slipping from underneath me. Don't think I haven't tried grabbing it back..it just seems the harder I tug, the bigger the holes get.

I hate sounding so depressive...but right now, I feel more alone and lost than ever, even with a reasonable number of people around. What is it like to be happy? Well, I think I've forgotten.