Probably a lot of people go through a depressive phase every now and then. I don't mean depression...just a phase. And I guess that's what's happening to me now.
I haven't been able to do anything productive since Tuesday. I've just been sitting in my room having horrible thoughts. Not suicidal...but just like ugh...what can I do about my life.
School's giving me a major headache. I don't understand what's going on in class despite having been here for 4 semesters. I can't participate, because I don't understand. I hate doing my homework because I don't understand and I feel like a procrastinating idiot. And I think some of the lecturers (for the seminars) don't like me. They deliberately ignore me.
Well, as for the rest..I really don't have many friends here. I mean no one I can really talk to about things..although we can celebrate, do stuff together and I can complain sorta superficially.
We went to view an apartment on Friday...but we're probably not gonna take it...although the place is in an excellent location, with 3 supermarkets super nearby. I guess mainly cos the other 2 girls (Mai und Phuong) would have to pay considerably more, while Fu Wei and I would be paying nearly the same for smaller bedrooms. But, the living room is great! And there's a balcony with a nice view. Sigh. I'd love to live there, but I'd like to have my neighbours around too. Maybe we'll just stay here lah. Although the hostel is old and everything breaks down often. So sad.
After that, I still didn't feel like doing work, so I went with Fu Wei to play badminton. I really suck at it man. But definitely better than my volleyball or basketball skills. I was thinking of joining swimming...so that I can work off some of my stress. I also miss swimming very much. If I can sign up, then I'l go buy a new pair of goggles.
As for relationship problems, well...I don't feel like I am in one most of the time. It's also not funny to keep hearing indirect hints that you are too heavy or straight out comments that you have weird fingers...even if it's true and even if it's only meant as a joke. Ok, maybe I should stop being so hypersensitive. I'd feel better anyway.
I haven't been able to do anything productive since Tuesday. I've just been sitting in my room having horrible thoughts. Not suicidal...but just like ugh...what can I do about my life.
School's giving me a major headache. I don't understand what's going on in class despite having been here for 4 semesters. I can't participate, because I don't understand. I hate doing my homework because I don't understand and I feel like a procrastinating idiot. And I think some of the lecturers (for the seminars) don't like me. They deliberately ignore me.
Well, as for the rest..I really don't have many friends here. I mean no one I can really talk to about things..although we can celebrate, do stuff together and I can complain sorta superficially.
We went to view an apartment on Friday...but we're probably not gonna take it...although the place is in an excellent location, with 3 supermarkets super nearby. I guess mainly cos the other 2 girls (Mai und Phuong) would have to pay considerably more, while Fu Wei and I would be paying nearly the same for smaller bedrooms. But, the living room is great! And there's a balcony with a nice view. Sigh. I'd love to live there, but I'd like to have my neighbours around too. Maybe we'll just stay here lah. Although the hostel is old and everything breaks down often. So sad.
After that, I still didn't feel like doing work, so I went with Fu Wei to play badminton. I really suck at it man. But definitely better than my volleyball or basketball skills. I was thinking of joining swimming...so that I can work off some of my stress. I also miss swimming very much. If I can sign up, then I'l go buy a new pair of goggles.
As for relationship problems, well...I don't feel like I am in one most of the time. It's also not funny to keep hearing indirect hints that you are too heavy or straight out comments that you have weird fingers...even if it's true and even if it's only meant as a joke. Ok, maybe I should stop being so hypersensitive. I'd feel better anyway.
posted by Samantha @ 7:12 am
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