Question of the day: Why does Max want a girlfriend?
Answer: God knows. He can spend the whole night on the phone with his parents, best friend, friends etc, but he can't even call me and talk to me for 5 minutes occasionally. When does he call me? When I call him and it's not convenient for him to talk right away. When he says, we'll talk soon, it means I have to call him.
He has time for lots of things...other than me, that is. So...why does he bother? Why do I bother? I am beginning to hate myself for liking him. I could ignore him and not pick up his calls (provided that he even calls), but the awful truth is that he probably wouldn't even notice. And I don't actually want to have a cold war. I hate cold wars.
So what exactly happened? I dunno. Things were actually going pretty good for a while. We even had a great weekend and all. Then cos he was planning to go home this weekend, he wanted to come over on Tuesday or Wednesday to see me. He said we'd talk on Sunday or Monday, "wir telefonieren entweder morgen oder Montag" were his exact words and those of you who know German know that this verb doesn't indicate who the caller is. So, anyway, he doesn't call on Sunday. Kinda expected it. Anyway, I was very tired, so I just sent him an sms. I got his reply at 12.30pm the next day. I said I'd call him in the evening after classes. So I called him after dinner, but it's not convenient to talk cos his water was boiling. He said he'd call me back in about 30 min. And he did...more or less. But somehow, etwas stimmte nicht. He said, sorry about the sms, he saw it only at 1 am because he was on the phone the whole night. This "excuse" probably subconsciously pissed me off because he hardly ever calls me...the exceptions being 1) I call him and he missed the call and 2) He has to change plans. As for SMS, there are also 2 conditions 1) I sms him first and 2) The bus is late. So...why is it then, that he can spend all night on the phone to other people and not even bother to call me for once and spend 5 min on the phone with me? (Well, he did call me out of his own free will TWICE after we got together. 1) He went home for the weekend and it was a genuine call. 2) I didn't call him when I reached Dresden once.) Forgive me if you see a flaw in my logic.
Then he wasn't sure if he was going back home because he still needed to find someone to drive him. He said maybe he'd stay, but he really couldn't take it anymore and wanted to go home. Well, I wish I could say I wanted to go home so casually and do it too. But no, I'd have to sacrifice a whole lot of money and time first.
Somehow we both ended up kinda miffed after talking about moving out. I thought of moving out you see...but he doesn't understand the kinds of constraints I face. He always tries to tell me to just do it. I know I should be less wishy-washy and just go ahead and do something, but moving out is not something like buying a new sweater or swimsuit. Then I realised that we'd been talking for 10 min and it was getting late, so I told him to call the 2 prospective drivers he'd found. It was well-intentioned, but at that moment, it may have seemed as if I was brushing him off. Who knows how he read it? Anyway, he said, ok, I'll call you tomorrow or on Wednesday...so non-commitally that I said bye quite abruptly out of indignation.
So...now I wonder if he will actually call me. If he were serious, he probably would've called me after he tried calling them, or at least send me an sms. It's funny how he used to be the one who called me (though not often either) and suggested stuff to do. Men really do get complacent in a relationship, don't they? So really, what does he want and why does he even bother with having a girlfriend? He doesn't tell me important stuff, nor does he wanna spend much time with me...whether in person or on the phone. So, of what use am I to him?
And yet, I feel so frustrated and restless. I can't think about anything but will he really call...is he pissed...does he care...does he think I'm not good enough for him? I'd hate to admit it, but sometimes I feel so neglected and insecure. Or do I expect too much?
Answer: God knows. He can spend the whole night on the phone with his parents, best friend, friends etc, but he can't even call me and talk to me for 5 minutes occasionally. When does he call me? When I call him and it's not convenient for him to talk right away. When he says, we'll talk soon, it means I have to call him.
He has time for lots of things...other than me, that is. So...why does he bother? Why do I bother? I am beginning to hate myself for liking him. I could ignore him and not pick up his calls (provided that he even calls), but the awful truth is that he probably wouldn't even notice. And I don't actually want to have a cold war. I hate cold wars.
So what exactly happened? I dunno. Things were actually going pretty good for a while. We even had a great weekend and all. Then cos he was planning to go home this weekend, he wanted to come over on Tuesday or Wednesday to see me. He said we'd talk on Sunday or Monday, "wir telefonieren entweder morgen oder Montag" were his exact words and those of you who know German know that this verb doesn't indicate who the caller is. So, anyway, he doesn't call on Sunday. Kinda expected it. Anyway, I was very tired, so I just sent him an sms. I got his reply at 12.30pm the next day. I said I'd call him in the evening after classes. So I called him after dinner, but it's not convenient to talk cos his water was boiling. He said he'd call me back in about 30 min. And he did...more or less. But somehow, etwas stimmte nicht. He said, sorry about the sms, he saw it only at 1 am because he was on the phone the whole night. This "excuse" probably subconsciously pissed me off because he hardly ever calls me...the exceptions being 1) I call him and he missed the call and 2) He has to change plans. As for SMS, there are also 2 conditions 1) I sms him first and 2) The bus is late. So...why is it then, that he can spend all night on the phone to other people and not even bother to call me for once and spend 5 min on the phone with me? (Well, he did call me out of his own free will TWICE after we got together. 1) He went home for the weekend and it was a genuine call. 2) I didn't call him when I reached Dresden once.) Forgive me if you see a flaw in my logic.
Then he wasn't sure if he was going back home because he still needed to find someone to drive him. He said maybe he'd stay, but he really couldn't take it anymore and wanted to go home. Well, I wish I could say I wanted to go home so casually and do it too. But no, I'd have to sacrifice a whole lot of money and time first.
Somehow we both ended up kinda miffed after talking about moving out. I thought of moving out you see...but he doesn't understand the kinds of constraints I face. He always tries to tell me to just do it. I know I should be less wishy-washy and just go ahead and do something, but moving out is not something like buying a new sweater or swimsuit. Then I realised that we'd been talking for 10 min and it was getting late, so I told him to call the 2 prospective drivers he'd found. It was well-intentioned, but at that moment, it may have seemed as if I was brushing him off. Who knows how he read it? Anyway, he said, ok, I'll call you tomorrow or on Wednesday...so non-commitally that I said bye quite abruptly out of indignation.
So...now I wonder if he will actually call me. If he were serious, he probably would've called me after he tried calling them, or at least send me an sms. It's funny how he used to be the one who called me (though not often either) and suggested stuff to do. Men really do get complacent in a relationship, don't they? So really, what does he want and why does he even bother with having a girlfriend? He doesn't tell me important stuff, nor does he wanna spend much time with me...whether in person or on the phone. So, of what use am I to him?
And yet, I feel so frustrated and restless. I can't think about anything but will he really call...is he pissed...does he care...does he think I'm not good enough for him? I'd hate to admit it, but sometimes I feel so neglected and insecure. Or do I expect too much?
posted by Samantha @ 9:32 pm
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