I am like so sleepy. No...more like just sian.

Actually I had a pretty good day. I had work to do, met up with another intern for tea break, had lunch by myself without feeling too weird, had more work to do, then met my aunt, grandma and their 2 friends for dinner.

Nonetheless, I've still got what's called "ugly stepsister" syndrome. I feel inferior to those around me. I somehow have a problem getting along with people. I'm not deliberately anti-social...I just don't fit in somehow. You know how that song by Kasey Chambers goes: 'Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken?" etc. These are the kinds of questions I keep asking myself these days. And there are no answers. I'll be completely honest. I want someone to love me and treat me like a princess...but in all honesty, I could give up royal treatment and a whole lot of other things if I really liked a guy. But that doesn't seem to be enough. In fact, no matter how friggin' hard you try, it will never be enough...unless he likes you back and can deal with your humanity, i.e. imperfections. On one hand, I feel like I expect a lot out of a guy...too much, maybe? But on the other hand, do I really wanna waste time settling for less? Am I even qualified to expect what I do? Maybe I should go for counselling. I feel like those feelings of hurt are not going away and I can't move on. I never would've expected myself to fall so head over heels for anyone, but I did...and I wonder if I am stupid to think someone would love me back just cos I was good to him. Or to think that anyone would love the likes of me. He really did make me very happy. There are photos to prove it. The photo I have of me standing in front of Neuschwanstein is that proof. I am practically glowing there. I was so happy to be with him. After he dumped me, I just look and feel tired and haggard...

Well, as for the other interesting experiences of today, well, my grandma's friends have lived in Germany for quite long and my grandma and aunt were trying to get me to speak German with them. Realised that I am so lost, not having spoken or written German in the last 5 weeks. It's scary how quickly I forget my German. I had to think for a long time before I could say anything. But it was funny, because they said I spoke with a slight Saxon accent. Haha, I never realised it myself...but I guess you really do speak the way those around you do. So interesting! But I love the Saxonian dialect, even if most of Germany hates it. I do love Dresden. I realise that it's a gorgeous place, even if it's not a cosmopolitan city with loads of entertainment and shopping.

I also tried like really interesting ice cream at this place called something Hibiscus at the end of Citylink Mall, next to Polar Cafe. There was banana and thyme, which tasted like banana cake with roast chicken. I also got to try a bit of Edelflower Sorbet and lavender. It's super interesting. I settled for banana and milo. The banana is really really good. It tastes like real banana, not some weird artificial flavouring. I tried a bit of my aunt's horlicks flavoured one...it was really malty. I'd love to go again...anyone wanna come along?

Ok, really have to go sleep now...