As if I needed another reminder of how the years have flown by..sigh..haha...this is my cute little sister, who is going to be sweet 16 this year...she's with 2 of my babies...Mary Monkey Boo and Mary Monkey Boo the second. You can't see them both in the photo though...just one and the hair of the other. It pained me unendlessly to have to throw them away, one after another. Actually, I hid the second one for a long time, in a black trash bag...for years after my mum insisted I throw her away. But it was tough. And when I felt scared or upset, I'd reach for the black trash bag and hug Mary. Now Mary's gone...and for a long time too, but remembering how we used to be inseparable back then kinda brings tears to my eyes. Maybe time does heals your wounds...or at least you forget. I hope this will happen to memories of sad partings with living, breathing human beings too. But then again, is there any way of remembering happy events without thinking the painful thoughts that are associated in some way? I didn't mean to bring this up, but I suddenly thought about how things were quite different this time last year. It was an exciting time in my life...you know, all that excitement about liking someone and hoping they like you back...like a cautious and intricate mating dance (maybe this is the wrong analogy)...funny how things are so different now eh? But I'll admit that there's a silver lining: I realised how stupid I was then...and I hope I don't make the same mistakes again, should I ever get into a similar situation later.

I spent nearly the whole of yesterday reading "Invisible Trade". Admittedly, I've always had a thing for books on the sex industry. Not that I ever aspire to be part of that trade, but there's something fascinating about the profession. It's interesting to hear the personal life stories, what the people feel about their profession, why they do it...and often, there are many sob stories...it has to do with need and often, also self-destruction and shame. The line between job and pleasure...where do you draw it? How do you turn your feelings off? How can you differentiate between client and lover? Why do some men propose to prostitutes/call girls/escorts etc. So many questions which cannot be answered...but are continually discussed. I wanna know more!

Could go on forever, but have to bathe now and have dinner!