Fear is very debilitating...the fear of death makes you miss out on a lot of things which are part of life. The fear of failure often makes you not try at all. The fear of being embarrassed makes you only say things after you've thought about them a million times...and even then...they might remain inside you and just GROW. The fear of being hurt by someone close makes us push away those who care about us and whom we care about. Fear of being duped into thinking or believing in what we don't want to think or believe makes you avoid people who think differently, or believe in different things.
There was this person at the library today who asked me if I spoke Chinese. I said no. She had a whole stack of pamphlets in Chinese. My heart beat faster cos I wondered if they were some kind of pamphlets belonging to a religious cult. They tend to try to attract members this way, by using "fellow countrymen". Thankfully, she left me alone when I said I couldn't. But I had to think about it for a while while I was sitting in the library. Why was I so afraid? Is it because I was afraid that if she talked to me, I'd unwittingly not be able to say no and end up getting stuck in something I didn't want...but didn't know how to say no to? It happens to me when people try to sell me stuff. Although I keep telling myself not to listen and just resist...sometimes I just find it hard to say no. Maybe I have to learn that I really can say just no, I'm not interested and I don't even have to apologise...if the person is pushy, then I will have to keep saying no until they get the hint. But I think most normal people will stop when they know they can't get anywhere with you. I just have to train myself, I guess.
On the bus, there were 2 guys with extremely short hair...and I saw one of them wearing a Thor something jacket. If I am not wrong, this is one of the neo-Nazi brands that they named on Dresdner TV last weekend, on a report about neo-Nazi-related arrests in Saxony. Most of the arrests have been for possessing neo-Nazi material..and not outright violence, of course...but it is worrying. I mean there have been killings in Germany and other parts of Europe, mostly on Turks or dark-skinned people...but I mean these people are hostile to foreigners in general...so it's not like they find Chinese or Asians any better. Some people refuse to eat in Chinese restaurants because they think they'll be served dog meat. You may laugh, but it is a sad fact. The only comfort is that the general public mostly stigmatises such xenophobic behaviour. I guess there is no real need to worry unless you deliberately go hang out at places they are known to haunt...especially at night..and alone. But the idea of possibly dying a violent death at the hands of people who hate you just for your race is still alarming.
There are many many scary things in the world. Everyone dies, everyone fails at one time or another...everyone is embarrassed once in a while. Conversely, some fear is a good thing...it prevents some people from doing bad things, because they fear the consequences. However, I guess the key to leading a fulfilling life is to find a balance...to recognise that there are some things which we cannot avoid, things that are out of our control...and not to worry so much about such things, because when they happen, they happen. The things we can control, we should try to...like not being reckless drivers or careless pedestrians..or provoking people intentionally.
I hate it when people try to force their opinions on me...so sometimes I just wanna avoid people. Ironically, this goes against my view that people should be entitled to their own opinion. I guess I have to remember that I am totally entitled to think what I think, no matter what people say. I can choose to accept their way of thinking, or I can dismiss it in my mind for my own reasons. I have to get used to the idea that just because people tell me their opinion, doesn't mean that they are trying to force me to think the way they think.
There are a lot of things we know we should do. The hard part is applying it to our lives. But we have to start somewhere, don't we?
A lot of times, our fears are blown out of proportion, when we let it fester in our heads. Sometimes it's really not as bad as we make it out to be. One important thing to remember, is that often, we really haven't got much to lose. Putting everything into perspective is key...
Anyway, I'm gonna learn how to cook Spanish food tonight...pity Fu Wei has badminton tonight...I'd love to have her around! Erm, I hope I can still recognise the guys...or else, it's just gonna seem like I'm very dao.
Oh...and we all had dinner last night!! Liu Jian came to visit us! I made dessert this time: chendol and choco-banana-hazelnut muffins. The chendol was an amazing success. Not that it turned out perfect, but it tasted pretty good and everyone liked it...everyone had at least a second helping. The green chendol actually turned out kinda weird and looked nothing like it should...but it was edible, with the grass jelly, red beans and the coconut milk. Oh, I nearly burnt the red beans twice!!! Once cos I forgot to turn down the fire and the other time, I forgot to check the water level and it almost burnt for the second time. But in the end, it tasted great. Fu Wei made fried tang hoon and Mai and Phuong made fish, salad, keropuk and fried rice with char siew...yummy!!
Oh no...it's raining. :( Ah well...rain is ok..it's just cold, that's all. Maybe it'll stop soon!
There was this person at the library today who asked me if I spoke Chinese. I said no. She had a whole stack of pamphlets in Chinese. My heart beat faster cos I wondered if they were some kind of pamphlets belonging to a religious cult. They tend to try to attract members this way, by using "fellow countrymen". Thankfully, she left me alone when I said I couldn't. But I had to think about it for a while while I was sitting in the library. Why was I so afraid? Is it because I was afraid that if she talked to me, I'd unwittingly not be able to say no and end up getting stuck in something I didn't want...but didn't know how to say no to? It happens to me when people try to sell me stuff. Although I keep telling myself not to listen and just resist...sometimes I just find it hard to say no. Maybe I have to learn that I really can say just no, I'm not interested and I don't even have to apologise...if the person is pushy, then I will have to keep saying no until they get the hint. But I think most normal people will stop when they know they can't get anywhere with you. I just have to train myself, I guess.
On the bus, there were 2 guys with extremely short hair...and I saw one of them wearing a Thor something jacket. If I am not wrong, this is one of the neo-Nazi brands that they named on Dresdner TV last weekend, on a report about neo-Nazi-related arrests in Saxony. Most of the arrests have been for possessing neo-Nazi material..and not outright violence, of course...but it is worrying. I mean there have been killings in Germany and other parts of Europe, mostly on Turks or dark-skinned people...but I mean these people are hostile to foreigners in general...so it's not like they find Chinese or Asians any better. Some people refuse to eat in Chinese restaurants because they think they'll be served dog meat. You may laugh, but it is a sad fact. The only comfort is that the general public mostly stigmatises such xenophobic behaviour. I guess there is no real need to worry unless you deliberately go hang out at places they are known to haunt...especially at night..and alone. But the idea of possibly dying a violent death at the hands of people who hate you just for your race is still alarming.
There are many many scary things in the world. Everyone dies, everyone fails at one time or another...everyone is embarrassed once in a while. Conversely, some fear is a good thing...it prevents some people from doing bad things, because they fear the consequences. However, I guess the key to leading a fulfilling life is to find a balance...to recognise that there are some things which we cannot avoid, things that are out of our control...and not to worry so much about such things, because when they happen, they happen. The things we can control, we should try to...like not being reckless drivers or careless pedestrians..or provoking people intentionally.
I hate it when people try to force their opinions on me...so sometimes I just wanna avoid people. Ironically, this goes against my view that people should be entitled to their own opinion. I guess I have to remember that I am totally entitled to think what I think, no matter what people say. I can choose to accept their way of thinking, or I can dismiss it in my mind for my own reasons. I have to get used to the idea that just because people tell me their opinion, doesn't mean that they are trying to force me to think the way they think.
There are a lot of things we know we should do. The hard part is applying it to our lives. But we have to start somewhere, don't we?
A lot of times, our fears are blown out of proportion, when we let it fester in our heads. Sometimes it's really not as bad as we make it out to be. One important thing to remember, is that often, we really haven't got much to lose. Putting everything into perspective is key...
Anyway, I'm gonna learn how to cook Spanish food tonight...pity Fu Wei has badminton tonight...I'd love to have her around! Erm, I hope I can still recognise the guys...or else, it's just gonna seem like I'm very dao.
Oh...and we all had dinner last night!! Liu Jian came to visit us! I made dessert this time: chendol and choco-banana-hazelnut muffins. The chendol was an amazing success. Not that it turned out perfect, but it tasted pretty good and everyone liked it...everyone had at least a second helping. The green chendol actually turned out kinda weird and looked nothing like it should...but it was edible, with the grass jelly, red beans and the coconut milk. Oh, I nearly burnt the red beans twice!!! Once cos I forgot to turn down the fire and the other time, I forgot to check the water level and it almost burnt for the second time. But in the end, it tasted great. Fu Wei made fried tang hoon and Mai and Phuong made fish, salad, keropuk and fried rice with char siew...yummy!!
Oh no...it's raining. :( Ah well...rain is ok..it's just cold, that's all. Maybe it'll stop soon!
posted by Samantha @ 5:22 pm
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