It's been nearly a week. I've somehow survived the sleep-deprived nights and loss of appetite. AND 2 exams which I had today. I think i did quite well for Swedish...I started learning quite early and anyway, the exam was a real piece of cake. There was absolutely NOTHING that wasn't in the book. So, the revision did pay off after all, barring any careless mistakes.
I've lost 3.5kg in 4 days (was gaining weight before that, so now, I don't look any skinnier now)...but I know it's all gonna come back the second I recover my appetite...and more will be added to it.
There are a lot of conflicting feelings inside me now. On one hand I know I should move on and forget about him. On the other, I believe in fighting for what I really want. I didn't beg him to come back because I didn't wanna feel lonely. I really want him. I mean ok, sure...he doesn't want me anymore..but I still want to tell him how I feel. Even if he laughs in my face...I want him to know how I feel. I know there's no salvaging a lost love. But I need closure. Simply because I loved him a lot. Even if it doesn't change anything, I've come to see what I have done wrong in the relationship. Certainly, I'll bear in mind this information for my next relationships but I just want to explain to him why I did the things I did. Even if he thinks I'm insane and is glad he DID break up with me after all. You need to reopen the wound and purge the poison..even if it hurts. I am a masochist, maybe.
I just hope to be calm and rational when talking to him. I don't want to get him agitated...nor myself.
I've talked to quite a lot of people...at varying lengths. Everyone says something different. Some have vested interests, others are comforting and others have new insights and yet others are peculiar.
This girl in my seminar today looked like SHE was gonna cry when I told her that he broke up with me. She says she doesn't believe in love anymore. Haha. That was so funny.
Tja. Well, I guess I'll have to get it out of my system and finally then will I be able to get over it.
It's always a conflict. Sometimes you want to be determined and not give up even as you breathe your dying breath and other times, you wonder if it is smarter to give up and cut your losses. I've usually chosen the latter, but this is one time I'd much prefer the former option...even if it's like the most unsuccessful thing I'll ever attempt.
Oh well, only thing is to just talk to him and stop thinking so much about it.
I've lost 3.5kg in 4 days (was gaining weight before that, so now, I don't look any skinnier now)...but I know it's all gonna come back the second I recover my appetite...and more will be added to it.
There are a lot of conflicting feelings inside me now. On one hand I know I should move on and forget about him. On the other, I believe in fighting for what I really want. I didn't beg him to come back because I didn't wanna feel lonely. I really want him. I mean ok, sure...he doesn't want me anymore..but I still want to tell him how I feel. Even if he laughs in my face...I want him to know how I feel. I know there's no salvaging a lost love. But I need closure. Simply because I loved him a lot. Even if it doesn't change anything, I've come to see what I have done wrong in the relationship. Certainly, I'll bear in mind this information for my next relationships but I just want to explain to him why I did the things I did. Even if he thinks I'm insane and is glad he DID break up with me after all. You need to reopen the wound and purge the poison..even if it hurts. I am a masochist, maybe.
I just hope to be calm and rational when talking to him. I don't want to get him agitated...nor myself.
I've talked to quite a lot of people...at varying lengths. Everyone says something different. Some have vested interests, others are comforting and others have new insights and yet others are peculiar.
This girl in my seminar today looked like SHE was gonna cry when I told her that he broke up with me. She says she doesn't believe in love anymore. Haha. That was so funny.
Tja. Well, I guess I'll have to get it out of my system and finally then will I be able to get over it.
It's always a conflict. Sometimes you want to be determined and not give up even as you breathe your dying breath and other times, you wonder if it is smarter to give up and cut your losses. I've usually chosen the latter, but this is one time I'd much prefer the former option...even if it's like the most unsuccessful thing I'll ever attempt.
Oh well, only thing is to just talk to him and stop thinking so much about it.
posted by Samantha @ 4:40 pm
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