This is just to test how this thing works. I've never used this function before. This is a photo of me in Ruthie's kitchen in Kassel. We'd just baked a pineapple banana and chocolate cake. Too much pineapple, but the cake was nice! MMM...I love bananas!

Anyway, as cheery as this photo looks, I am actually kinda sad now. I wish the sadness would just go away...but instead, it is hanging over me like a raincloud. STORMCLOUD... everytime I think it's gotten better...it ends up bad again. Every little thing reminds me of him. Often, it doesn't even have to be something very significant. And then I slip back into that pit of depression. And cry. And feel a strange pain in my heart.

And the vietnamese spring rolls that Mai was supposed to make didn't materialise. Because of this girl who wants to try Vietnamese food tomorrow for lunch. And I might not even be there for lunch because I am going to watch Madagascar with Steffi...but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. And well, I like to know in advance...I don't like things to be last minute. But well, as life has proven over and over again, things never go according to your plans anyway.

SIGH. HUGE GIGANTIC SIGH. I'm so afraid of being alone these days. I can't even stay in my room for more than 1 hour without getting this fearful feeling inside me. Afraid to be alone, afraid to be forgotten, afraid of being alone with all my crazy thoughts and all my pain. Someone help me.