Haven't posted in eons. Feeling kinda stressed out and under the weather. Feel out of place and lost. Like I got left behind while the world went on its way. Bored of my wits, but it's not like I have nothing to do. For once I wanna be a slacker and not feel guilty about it. But I am a slacker and I feel guilty.

I think I've screwed up my life this semester. No..it started last semester, when the semester ended and the hols began. Why? Because I was too lazy to do my homework.

Now I'm just rotting away. I guess one of the only productive thing I'm doing is cooking. I am really beginning to like cooking. I've made Shepherd's Pie, fried noodles (which lots of people liked), sushi, mediterranean zucchini rice, gulasch, white radish soup, sweet and sour pork, mapo tofu etc. I've also baked a cake, which turned out pretty good. But I didn't do it all on my own. My boyfriend helped to cream the butter and sugar. It's really tough manual labour. But maybe I'll try making it again. It's like I've rediscovered my interest in cooking. It's nothing complicated of course...simple stuff. But my interest is piqued. I'm gonna make lemon chicken, lasagne and hot and sour soup this weekend, I think. Oh...and Kungbao chicken too...except I don't have chilli...so I don't know how it will taste. But I must say...the Kungbao sauce in the restaurants here tastes NOTHING like what you get in Singapore.

I'm so happy! I can do my internship in Singapore! I don't have to waste anymore of my parents' money staying in the UK or Australia or wherever. I can stay at home...and get a job or something...6 whole months at home...wow! I can't wait! But first I should concentrate on getting to and passing my intermediate exam.. So many complications man!

It's gonna be the weekend again. Have done nothing in the way of homework. Still have to film video diaries...not exactly 100% keen on it. I've decided that I'll never make a good TV or radio host. I'm not spontaneous, witty or quick enough. Useful to get that learnt. I don't know what talents I have...maybe I should just become some menial worker. Something brainless and undangerous. That's the kind of job I'm suited for. But then maybe my parents will be disappointed...and the lecturer who said I was a promising student. Hmm...I should be spurred on to greater heights, or however that phrase goes. But I'm not. Sorry. As the phrase goes, I'm all fart, no shit. (Haha, got that from Talkingcock.com)

Life goes on. I feel like I should've stayed six. That was before life got complicated.

I'm not a cynic. I have dreams. I'm just a little far away from achieving them at the moment. That makes me sad, but what to do?

My friend who's just arrived in Germany not long ago has already found herself a German boyfriend. Hmm..I must've missed that boat. Well, hope she's happy. My grandmother would object to a German boyfriend anyway. So would my uncle. I don't know about my parents though. They were never very explicit..except they're against long hair and piercings I think. But you know what? I spend all my time here cooped up in my room. How I even got a boyfriend in the first place is a miracle. But I like my room. I feel comfortable...even if I had to lead an extremely solitary existence. I don't really think of myself as being an extremely social person anyway. It just got worse in Sec 3&4. I'm not anti-social. I just prefer my own company to the company of strange people. I love my friends...but I'm not motivated to go meet more. It's a point of contention between me and the bf, because he's such a kontaktfreudig kinda person. I'm not. I'm nice to people generally, but I don't fall over my feet trying to get them to like me.

Ok, gonna go ponder my existence in the shower.