I've been committing horrendous sins the past few days. On Tuesday, I ate all 288g of peanut M&Ms on my own...and I mean apart from the usual 3 main meals. On Wednesday, I wiped out half a loaf of bread, quite a lot of butter and a packet of ham and I don't mean for 3 meals...I mean for ONE. And today? Well, it began yesterday. I went to bed at 9.30pm...slept till 7am, tried to read a book, fell asleep till 9, woke up, tried to read again, but fell asleep still holding up the book with one hand...and woke up at 10:15. What is wrong with me??? Why have I become such a pig. I guess I hate reading stuff for school. Cos there isn't a comfortable place to read. I either sit on a chair (a hard one), or lie down on my bed...and you know what the latter leads to. I like writing. When I write, I don't feel like sleeping or eating so much...but too bad, a lot of work I have to do it reading and more reading. I miss secondary school homework...I LOVE workbooks. I love doing the same thing over and over...i.e. writing down answers one after another. It gives me a sense of achievement.

Anyway, I have been reading everyone else's blogs (I do it nearly every day actually) and realised what exciting lives everyone has. No one can really complain of boredom, if you know what I mean. And here I am, sinking into a routine which is driving me crazy. I love routines on one hand, cos they are predictable. But they drive me insane as well. I mean doing work based on a routine is fully ok with me, but not sleeping and eating like a pig routinely. If I routinely had fun, or routinely completed my homework, I wouldn't actually mind so much either. I just have to train myself and be more disciplined. I somehow seem to have lost my drive. I so need to find it again. The question is, where do I begin to look? I'd better find it soon, cos the semester is nearly over.

Maybe I am focussing too much on what I don't have. What about all the things I have? And I do have a lot, even if not everything in the world.

However, there is one thing I've been wanting to do for a while...I've been wanting to move out. I am so sick of my room already. I hate the dreary colours...it makes me feel even more depressed than I am. That's why I wanted to go to IKEA this Saturday, with Max. But Lee Ting decided that she would prefer to come over this weekend instead, so I guess I will have to call Max tonight and tell him that he can't stay over on Friday...probably we can meet him for lunch or dinner on Saturday. Not sure if he wants to do the whole touristy thing with us. He has work to do anyway, cos of some seminars. Actually, me too...but since Lee Ting is coming, I shall have to be doubly/triply hardworking this evening. No slacking allowed. The only problem is, I have to be up by 5am on Friday. Urgh. I have no way of developing a proper body clock at this rate.

I can't wait to show Lee Ting around! I love showing people around Dresden, even if it doesn't seem like it is a big place. It is still beautiful. Hopefully the weather is good. It's always great when there are blue skies in Dresden.

Hi guys...sorry to disappoint you, but I can't actually cycle on my own just yet. Cycling at the moment entails Steffi's dad holding onto the bike and running beside or behind me...depending on how fast I am going. After all, I just learnt how to get onto the bike like properly on Sunday. Now I have to learn how to get off safely. Then I'll progress (in a couple of weeks) to riding on my own. This is definitely the hardest part. It's like letting go of the wall/floatation device when you learn how to swim. Maybe many people take it for granted, but everything I've learnt, I've learnt very late, so the learning process is actually a very conscious process on my part. I am not afraid of falling, but it'll take a while to let go...especially since the older you get, the more inhibitions you have. And, I am not good at anything that needs balance. Why? I cannot concentrate. I am a daydreamer. Even if I don't mean to, my mind will wander. Anyway, I am going again on Sunday. Maybe I will be able to get on and off the bike smoothly this time. We can't hold out for more than an hour anyway. It's too tiring and my butt hurts like hell after every session. Still, this is something I really wanna do. I don't wanna be useless all my life. I need some challenges and this is my challenge of the semester. Well, excluding Swedish of course...but finally, I have a partner who is patient and helpful. I really hope he continues to sit next to me...cos he helps me with the pronunciation and doesn't look at me with this condescending glance.

It's funny how life can change from one moment to the next. One moment you feel plagued with problems...then you find out that it's all a matter of perspective. When Max came over yesterday, I was gonna explode from all the questions I wanted/needed to ask. So I made use of the commercial break during Desperate Housewives, which we were watching together, to ask him what he expected of me. He asked me what I meant. You know, it's funny how it seems so logical to you when it's all in your head...but when it's put into words, it seems so different. He asked what he should expect of me. Haha...oh well. Then I said, "It's ok when you're here with me, but when you're not here, you don't even give me a sign that you're still alive." He laughed, saying something like you need a sense of mystery or something. Then I said, well like do you want me to call you or not call you? He said, "Just cos I don't call you doesn't mean I don't think about you." Ok, that was what I wanted to hear, I suppose. He's the antithesis of romantic, so I guess it needed to be prodded out of him. I am sinking so low...but oh well. I was happy for the rest of the evening. I was happy this morning too. Silly how something like that can make me happy.

Heart attack-inducing event of the weekend: PHONE BILL! It was 142,66 Euros. That's like S$300 between Ruth and me!! For a phone bill!!!! And believe me, neither Ruth nor I are serious phone freaks. Sigh. We are so gonna get a new provider after this contract runs out.

The dinner on Friday was quite the disaster. The food tasted weird, though it was edible. I shall give up experimenting for a while..though the potatoes were passable. I'm not a good cook without a recipe.

Max and I were very lazy the next morning. I woke up at 7, but went back to sleep...then at 9.30am, I couldn't sleep anymore, so I asked him if he wanted to move to the bed and sleep, since I was getting up anyway. He sorta made some sign of agreement...then I was waiting for him to get up...but he didn't. Turns out that he was waiting for me to get up first! Aiyoh! Then we ended up sleeping till 11am. Finally, we got up, had breakfast, showered and went to the museum. It was ok. There were some cool things, like cherrystone carvings...185 faces carved onto a single cherrystone. Unbelievable huh?? Then we had ice cream and went back to my place so he could use the Internet. Felt quite sad, cos he was looking for other unis to apply to. Means it won't be weeks till he leaves Dresden. Well, I'm leaving for 2 months as well. I cried without meaning to. He asked why and I told him. He asked, "So you want to split up?" I said, "No, if that's what I'd wanted, why would I cry?" Then he asked, "Should I treat you like shit?" "No..that's even worse!" Then when we went downstairs, he asked, "What will you do if we broke up?" I replied, "Be sad for a week...dunno." He said, "I don't know either. I don't think we've come to that stage where I've thought about what it'd be like to break up with you." Sigh. I think sometimes we really need to have a talk in clear text, but the problem is, where and how do you start?

Anyway, on Sunday, I went to Steffi's again. We made pasta for lunch...and after we were done, Steffi's dad came out holding his trackpants and pointed at them. Hint to us that we had to go cycling soon. This time, I could go for quite far without stopping halfway and all that...although there was this one stretch where I just couldn't keep my balance! And everytime we hit that stretch...well, it was extra hard work for Steffi's dad cos he had to keep pushing me back to the correct position. Oh...and I finally succeeded..ONCE...in getting onto the bike and starting off by myself. Although, her dad said if I couldn't, I should ask someone to hold the bike for me while I do it. Haha. He's hilarious. He keeps telling me: "Now, now, we've discussed this before: green = field, gray = path. Keep to the path!" Haha.

After that, we had cake and Steffi and I played table tennis for around 40 min. Phew...lots of activity for that day man...

Well, then yesterday, I decided that I had to pull up my socks and actually do some work! I've been sleeping too much these past few weeks. But it's not cos I'm tired, but it's because I wanted to avoid lots of things. But it's no use. I only feel worse about myself, so it is time to get up and about. No more lying around depressed and all that.