I have a headache. I think it's from eating too much. Been eating too much for the past 3 days. I was so hungry when I got home that I ended up stuffing myself so badly that now I have a headache. I had 2 bowls of porridge, some prawn crackers and 4 shortbread cookies, all of that just for dinner, Ugh. Now I have a major headache and a stomachache too. There was that buffet on Sunday (somehow, I am the rubbish bin of the family), and yesterday, dinner with my grandma..and you know how grandmas are...except mine is even more pushy when it come to food. My mum thinks my grandma's ways are one of the reasons for my eating disorders. It could be true. But of course, it's not the sole reason, if not, my sisters would've had eating disorders too. Anyway, all this eating has led me to gain 1.5kg all in the space of 3 days or less. It's not gonna be easy to lose it again, considering the extremely sedentary lifestyle I'm leading now. And winter is coming...oh oh...haha...ok, today I'll let myself be typically female...but honestly, I do not want to become extremely skinny. It's not a very pretty sight. I am fine with myself...I just don't like being too pig-like. Indulging occasionally is perfectly fine...but eating junk that doesn't even really appeal to you is just stupid. Well, I say this now, but by tomorrow, it'll all be forgotten. Haha.

My time management at work has been pretty ok so far. I managed to finish some tasks ahead of schedule even. But I suppose if work suddenly starts pouring in, well, then my plan will just have to be flushed down the loo. Anyway, I managed time well enough such that I could leave the office promptly at 6pm. I'm only particular about the time when I am going home straight after work. If I am meeting friends, then staying late in the office is fine with me. I just hate squeezing on the MRT with the 6.30-8pm crowd. Went for lunch with my colleague today. We chanced upon this place on Seah Street that really ain't bad. I had curry and she had horfun. It was yummy! I was only sorry that there hadn't been more bread to soak up the remaining gravy. The prices were totally reasonable as well. It was good! There are two other places I am impressed with in that area. They are both on Purvis Street. I like this place that serves chicken rice and other kinds of Hainanese food. The rice is nice...and the Hainanese Pork Chop...and "eggplant with minced meat"...they are all nice. My aunt wants to eat the chicken rice balls. It's called Hainan Er Jie dunno what lah...but it's nice!! Went with another intern's colleagues on Friday. Another place is "First Thai", also on Purvis Street. I love the fried Tang Hoon. Anyway, on the way back, we went to Bras Basah Complex so my colleague could collect her phone books. Then we popped by this shop that sold used books at only $1!!! I bought "Moll Flanders" and some German book...it's historical fiction. Arrgh. Now I have so many books to read. I'm quite sure I could find more, but I didn't really bother to dig around. It depends on your luck or your patience, really. This morning, I read in the Straits Times about this guy who wrote "Bangkok Tattoo" and people think it's outrageous, cos he writes about prostitution. He said something about how it's not a topic that's covered much in novels...with the exception of Moll Flanders, by Daniel Defoe. And surprise surprise, I find this book right on top of a pile in the second hand bookshop! I couldn't wait to start reading! The language is a bit of a bother though..I had to read and re-read to make sense of certain parts. But hey, I am an English student after all...I should accept it as a challenge to read archaic language. Erm, but to be honest, I have to read this other thick novel for German lit class...I'm more inclined to finish reading Moll Flanders first though..heh.

Audrey's leaving for the States tomorrow...so sad :( One less friend around. Am beginning to feel very lonely. Ruth is leaving on Monday...sob.

I am like so sleepy. No...more like just sian.

Actually I had a pretty good day. I had work to do, met up with another intern for tea break, had lunch by myself without feeling too weird, had more work to do, then met my aunt, grandma and their 2 friends for dinner.

Nonetheless, I've still got what's called "ugly stepsister" syndrome. I feel inferior to those around me. I somehow have a problem getting along with people. I'm not deliberately anti-social...I just don't fit in somehow. You know how that song by Kasey Chambers goes: 'Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken?" etc. These are the kinds of questions I keep asking myself these days. And there are no answers. I'll be completely honest. I want someone to love me and treat me like a princess...but in all honesty, I could give up royal treatment and a whole lot of other things if I really liked a guy. But that doesn't seem to be enough. In fact, no matter how friggin' hard you try, it will never be enough...unless he likes you back and can deal with your humanity, i.e. imperfections. On one hand, I feel like I expect a lot out of a guy...too much, maybe? But on the other hand, do I really wanna waste time settling for less? Am I even qualified to expect what I do? Maybe I should go for counselling. I feel like those feelings of hurt are not going away and I can't move on. I never would've expected myself to fall so head over heels for anyone, but I did...and I wonder if I am stupid to think someone would love me back just cos I was good to him. Or to think that anyone would love the likes of me. He really did make me very happy. There are photos to prove it. The photo I have of me standing in front of Neuschwanstein is that proof. I am practically glowing there. I was so happy to be with him. After he dumped me, I just look and feel tired and haggard...

Well, as for the other interesting experiences of today, well, my grandma's friends have lived in Germany for quite long and my grandma and aunt were trying to get me to speak German with them. Realised that I am so lost, not having spoken or written German in the last 5 weeks. It's scary how quickly I forget my German. I had to think for a long time before I could say anything. But it was funny, because they said I spoke with a slight Saxon accent. Haha, I never realised it myself...but I guess you really do speak the way those around you do. So interesting! But I love the Saxonian dialect, even if most of Germany hates it. I do love Dresden. I realise that it's a gorgeous place, even if it's not a cosmopolitan city with loads of entertainment and shopping.

I also tried like really interesting ice cream at this place called something Hibiscus at the end of Citylink Mall, next to Polar Cafe. There was banana and thyme, which tasted like banana cake with roast chicken. I also got to try a bit of Edelflower Sorbet and lavender. It's super interesting. I settled for banana and milo. The banana is really really good. It tastes like real banana, not some weird artificial flavouring. I tried a bit of my aunt's horlicks flavoured one...it was really malty. I'd love to go again...anyone wanna come along?

Ok, really have to go sleep now...