Have almost 2 years really passed? Time really flies and looking back at some of my old posts, I realise that my memories often don't match what I seemed to have felt in the past, at the time of certain events. I suppose we usually only remember what we want to remember

I wasn't sure if I wanted to ever blog again, since it sort of means putting my thoughts out for other people to see, even if no one may read it in reality. Sometimes I find my old thoughts embarrassing, which is why I threw away all my old diaries once. On one hand, I guess it means I've learnt stuff, but on the other, the folly of my youth (though I hope I can still be considered young) is unbearably embarrassing.

I think I have mellowed a bit over the years. I don't scream at people so much anymore..haha. Well, or at least I've learnt that some battles are not worth fighting at all.

So why on earth am I blogging again? Well, I think there are quite a few reasons. Firstly, I have finally handed in my thesis...which means I'm finally going to be done with university (if I pass, of course) after almost 7 years. I know it's almost normal for German students to study a few extra semesters, but I never intended this to happen to me. But as luck would have it, I was fed with wrong information or I had to search for certain hidden information. I attended some classes that I never needed to attend or attended certain lectures in vain, because someone forgot to tell me that I had to write 1 A4 page of thoughts in preparation for a lecture. The whole semester of attending that stupid lecture and the compulsory excursions wasted because no one told me about this single sheet of A4 paper homework. This wrong information or missing information thing has been a cause of major problems in my life. So now I always try to get as much information about things as possible beforehand and don't accept everything at face value if I haven't counterchecked the information. But another reason is that some profs just take forever to mark your papers. I swear that my uni career was extended by at least half a year simply because of 2 profs who took longer than normal to mark my papers. I handed in one of them in September 2007, 2 weeks before the deadline. In February 2008, when I was back in Dresden, I wanted to collect my last Schein and register for the exams, cos the deadline for the exams in May was 28th March (or something like that). I emailed and went to the prof's office hours...several times..only to be told it would be done soon. So I ended up missing the registration deadline and had to take the exam in August instead...so 3 months wasted. The second case was a bit similar. I also rushed to hand in the paper ASAP...but it took many emails and visits to finally get the Schein. Which also meant I missed the November deadline for the December exam..and even though there was another exam date in Feb, Marcus and I had long planned to go to Singapore then and already had the tickets, so there was no way to change. I ended up taking the written and oral exams in May and June 2009 instead. But I was so burnt out by then, that I simply couldn't start writing my thesis. Plus, at that time, Marcus and I were planning to get married and that also cost us a lot of our time and energy.

So basically, the stress from the exams and the paperwork hell that preceded our wedding kept me from writing, though I certainly needed a vent for all the frustrations and setbacks that I suffered. I just didn't have any energy left for anything. Although I guess Facebook games might have been a great distraction as well :D

So fastforward to nearly 2 years later and now things look quite different. I have stressful times behind me but also stressful times ahead. I desperately need to find a job soon because I can't let my poor parents support me forever and Marcus doesn't earn enough for the two of us to carry on living our lifestyles the same way on one income, although I think we are already relatively thrifty in many aspects. I studied something that interested me but is not very useful in finding me a job. No one is looking for someone like me, so I'll really have to work hard at selling myself to potential employers. But I'm not picky. I think I will take on almost any job in Dresden, as long as it doesn't require me to be a teacher or work as a call center agent. This will be the challenge for the months ahead.

Marcus also has a new job. Unfortunately, it requires him to travel to Munich every week. The pay is slightly better but the hours are horrendous and he doesn't get any overtime pay. But when the economy is bad and you are not in demand, you're forced to accept almost anything that pays the bills. So instead of seeing their husband or wife more after marriage, I see my husband much much less. Only on weekends, from late at night on Friday (if I haven't already fallen asleep) till Sunday evening at 6.30pm, when he has to leave again. We talk on the phone every day but he's usually so tired out cos they start at 6.30am and finish often at 9 or 10pm that we can't talk for more than a few minutes. I know we'll survive this but it's really not an ideal situation. So I really hope that as the boss promised, they soon might have a chance to work in Siebenlehn, which is not so far from Dresden. Although I technically do not have a problem with this weekly separation thing, I have a major problem with the changes I see in poor Marcus. They don't go for lunch breaks regularly because Marcus says it's hard when you are at a client's house. But how can people who do such hard physical work carrying many heavy things up 4-5 storeys only eat 1 or at most 2 meals a day? The last I saw, he had lost over 5kg..and although I can never tell if someone has lost or gained weight, I noticed it with him..and that is saying something. His uncle said he looked pale and he claimed that it's because they were indoors all the time. But his uncle meant the malnourished, sickly kind of pale. I don't see myself as the overly concerned kind of wife or person..but it breaks my heart to know I can't do anything about it. Sigh.