I am so in a holiday mood these days. Yesterday was a holiday, next Thursday is a holiday and the whole of the week after is a holiday. And, considering I don't have classes on Fridays...haha! But it's bad because then I don't get anything done...just floating around!

Went to Max's place on Wednesday evening. Boy...I think it's really obvious if you're in a place that's only inhabited by guys..how/why? Because there'll probably be dishes that have been sitting around for days...crumbs on the table and the floor...an overflowing rubbish bin and (I'm not sure if this is unique to Max's place) an empty toilet roll collection! Haha. Anyway, it wasn't so bad. I helped him to wash the dishes on Thursday morning...although I can't convince him to get rid of the toilet roll collection. We went grocery shopping. He's not a fruit and veg kinda person. Haha. Although we did buy some canned peaches. I was eating an apple yesterday and I asked him if he wanted one too...he said, "Oh, I ate an apple recently"...like right...who says they've eaten an apple recently?? He said, "Well, within the last 3 days or so". Haha, sounds like me when my mum is trying to convince me to go bathe.

Today, I'm going to Steffi's place and her father's going to teach me how to cycle. Finally, after 21 years of not knowing how to...I will stop being an embarrassment. Haha. Well, actually, NOT knowing how to cycle is a very good topic conversation...because no one believes it. And they'll ask you why...haha. But Max is convinced I should learn. He keeps asking me when I am going to Steffi's place to learn. Once, he repeated this "wish" like 4 or 5 times in a space of a few hours! So when I finally learn, I guess he will shut up. Well no...he'll probably nag me to buy a bicycle. Haha. Oh dear...this doesn't end, does it?

I'll stay over at Steffi's place, then I'll be back on Saturday. Hopefully not too late, so that I can still do my stuff.

Was supposed to go swimming this morning...but am inconvenienced...so I will have to go next week. It's probably not too hygienic anyway. But since I woke up at 5am, I figured that I may as well blog. :)

I think I'm a very spiteful person. Oh, I am usually quite nice to people in general. Even if they seem annoying, I usually find some mitigating factors. But, once you've crossed the line...boy can I be the über-Bitch. But I have decided to be less evil and so, I re-wrote my entire email back to him..trying to be more civil. But there was venom within me...and maybe too much of it is bad, because sometimes I feel I am poisoning myself too. It's a reflex though...I mean if people hurt me, I just want to hurt them back and 10 times so badly at that. But not many people have seen this truly evil side of me. It only rears its ugly head when things are going very badly. And now that I know his weakness, I could crush him and it would be a beautiful triumph. But no...everyone needs someone to think they're incompetent...because then when you get the opportunity to prove them wrong...victory would be all the more sweeter. Sure, he may be efficient and get lots of things done...but he has no EQ. He may look like the victor now...but he's human too...and one day, he will be condemned for his mistakes too...just like he condemns others for theirs.

Anyway...to change the subject, be careful of phishing. Delete all emails asking you to update your account, personal or financial information. People are just out to abuse the information to chalk up debts in your name!! So be careful...even if the emails appear to come from trustworthy sites!

Have I lost my will to live? I'm not thinking about suicide...but more like my life doesn't have much meaning at the moment. The weather's excellent today. And all I did was sleep, eat and stare out the window. But I spent most of my time sleeping. I'm turning into a zombie. It's not that I have nothing to do. I somehow just get the feeling that it's not worth doing anymore. It's been a long time since I felt like this. I thought I had my life well under control...as if whatever blows life decided to throw my way, I'd survive. But slowly, I'm beginning to only see the black. I'm losing my will to fight. Sometimes I feel so numb that I can't even cry anymore. Maybe I need to cry. Maybe I have to stop pretending that nothing's wrong. And after a period of grieving, I should get back onto my feet. Right. Easier said than done. Right now I just feel like hiding from the world. And slowly, I feel my sanity slipping from underneath me. Don't think I haven't tried grabbing it back..it just seems the harder I tug, the bigger the holes get.

I hate sounding so depressive...but right now, I feel more alone and lost than ever, even with a reasonable number of people around. What is it like to be happy? Well, I think I've forgotten.

Sometimes, I'm not really sure if it's better to know the truth, or just continue speculating. Well, I'd suspected for quite a while that a certain someone had something against me...considering he was nice to everyone else (well, save for one other guy, which no one can stand anyway)...and well, I found out for sure that he really does dislike me. Why? Because I made mistakes. What mistakes, might you ask? Some were out of sheer oversight, but most were stuff that I couldn't have helped anyway. Well, forgive me for being human...

Oh well...you can't expect everyone to like you...but this is a bit petty, I think. Ah well, I know there are probably lots more people out there who don't like me...but I'm not sure I'm dying to know. On one hand, I really admire the people whom lots of people can't stand...but are either too ignorant, or too thick-skinned to care. I just take everything too personally. Probably accounts for my self-destructive behaviour.