Max has gone home for the weekend. He came over yesterday actually, cos he forgot his psychology homework. We didn't do much, I gave him some kiwi to eat, then later we were hungry again, so we had muesli. In the meantime, we tried to print his stuff out, but it just didn't work somehow...my printer I mean. The blue ink refuses to come out and the black ink was horrible! But somehow I got it to work after deep cleaning like twice and cleaning a million times. *groan* Stupid printer...or stupid ink...dunno which one is at fault.

Actually, Max wanted to come over today too, but he realised that we wouldn't have much time anyway, so we just met for a while at the train station. I just wanted to see him, but he insisted that we do something. I dunno why...maybe I am getting boring for him. Anyway, so we walked to get ice cream. I didn't have any cos this morning, I nearly couldn't zip up my jeans, which were loose not long ago. I had had dinner already anyway. He told me of this acquaintance who got drunk and found himself bound in some woman's bed the next morning...she'd already left for work, so he was stuck there the whole day. Not so great, he said. Hmm...maybe it's one of his suppressed fantasies. Haha. Anyway, after that it was time for him to go to the train already. I asked him when he was coming back..he said, "2012. I'll introduce you to my children." It really wasn't funny. Plus, he didn't tell me when he was really coming back either. I wrote him a postcard...he wanted me to tell him what was on it. Why couldn't he just read it?? He always spoils the whole thing. The last time I wrote him a letter, he told me how many mistakes I'd made. I dunno who to strangle...him or myself. How can I like a guy like him?? Oh well, maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder.

My goodness. I really do love to jump to conclusions, don't I? I feel really bad now, cos I've totally wronged Max.

He called yesterday cos he was at the train station buying his ticket to Munich and wondered if I was at home, cos he wanted to come over. I actually missed the call cos I was in class, but I called him back when I got out. Then he came over and asked if I had anything to eat. Well, I wasn't expecting him to come over, so I hadn't gone grocery shopping at all. But well, with some limitations, I made mee rebus and managed to get my hand a little burnt. Max said it looked disgusting, but he kindly ate it anyway. He wanted to take a photo to show his best friend! Anyway, it didn't taste as bad as it looked.

He decided to take the NachtZug (night train for the uninitiated)home and asked if I was free on Thursday evening, because if I were, he'd like to come over before he leaves. That was really nice. I mean I hadn't expect him to want to come over, especially since he'd only have slightly less than 2 hours before he had to get to the train station. Oh well, every second counts :).

We watched Desperate Housewives together...but it was annoying because the thunderstorm outside disrupted the signal like twice or so during the show. I think he likes the show mostly because of Eva Longoria, but oh well, I think she's pretty too. I watch it mostly cos I wanna find out about Mary Alice. Oh, we watched a bit of Friends before that, which I like. He doesn't really like Friends, but I guess he didn't get too bored. He doesn't quite like Sex and the City cos he thinks none of them are pretty except for Charlotte.

I asked him not to go watch Batman Begins without me...cos he thought about watching it in Munich. He thought I didn't wanna watch it. I told him the movie I didn't wanna watch was War of the Worlds. He asked, "How can you not want to watch it? Tom Cruise is in it and all girls like Tom Cruise!" I said, "But I don't! :P" He thinks I'm weird cos I don't think most of the actors are cute.

After Desperate Housewives ended, he had to go home, cos like me, he had to wake up early this morning. He left at 10:45pm and it was pouring! I offered him my umbrella. He didn't wanna take it, saying that the rain had stopped...and what if I needed it or something. Before he left, I opened the window and felt for rain. I said he'd better take the umbrella. It wasn't a storm outside, but the rain was heavy enough to warrant taking along an umbrella. Half-unconvinced, he asked if I'd go down with him to see the situation...and he admitted when we were downstairs that he did need the umbrella after all. He was in a naggy mood yesterday...when I burnt my hand, he tried to persuade me to put my hand under running water for at least 30 min. Then he asked me whether I'd moisturized my hands every day...then he said he could only give me my umbrella back on Thursday, but if I really needed it, I should call him tomorrow. Haha. So funny.

Ok, I am sleepy now...I'll probably take a nap before my next class begins. But this is a real lesson on how I should not jump to conclusions so easily. Have to be more understanding as well.

Question of the day: Why does Max want a girlfriend?

Answer: God knows. He can spend the whole night on the phone with his parents, best friend, friends etc, but he can't even call me and talk to me for 5 minutes occasionally. When does he call me? When I call him and it's not convenient for him to talk right away. When he says, we'll talk soon, it means I have to call him.

He has time for lots of things...other than me, that is. So...why does he bother? Why do I bother? I am beginning to hate myself for liking him. I could ignore him and not pick up his calls (provided that he even calls), but the awful truth is that he probably wouldn't even notice. And I don't actually want to have a cold war. I hate cold wars.

So what exactly happened? I dunno. Things were actually going pretty good for a while. We even had a great weekend and all. Then cos he was planning to go home this weekend, he wanted to come over on Tuesday or Wednesday to see me. He said we'd talk on Sunday or Monday, "wir telefonieren entweder morgen oder Montag" were his exact words and those of you who know German know that this verb doesn't indicate who the caller is. So, anyway, he doesn't call on Sunday. Kinda expected it. Anyway, I was very tired, so I just sent him an sms. I got his reply at 12.30pm the next day. I said I'd call him in the evening after classes. So I called him after dinner, but it's not convenient to talk cos his water was boiling. He said he'd call me back in about 30 min. And he did...more or less. But somehow, etwas stimmte nicht. He said, sorry about the sms, he saw it only at 1 am because he was on the phone the whole night. This "excuse" probably subconsciously pissed me off because he hardly ever calls me...the exceptions being 1) I call him and he missed the call and 2) He has to change plans. As for SMS, there are also 2 conditions 1) I sms him first and 2) The bus is late. So...why is it then, that he can spend all night on the phone to other people and not even bother to call me for once and spend 5 min on the phone with me? (Well, he did call me out of his own free will TWICE after we got together. 1) He went home for the weekend and it was a genuine call. 2) I didn't call him when I reached Dresden once.) Forgive me if you see a flaw in my logic.

Then he wasn't sure if he was going back home because he still needed to find someone to drive him. He said maybe he'd stay, but he really couldn't take it anymore and wanted to go home. Well, I wish I could say I wanted to go home so casually and do it too. But no, I'd have to sacrifice a whole lot of money and time first.

Somehow we both ended up kinda miffed after talking about moving out. I thought of moving out you see...but he doesn't understand the kinds of constraints I face. He always tries to tell me to just do it. I know I should be less wishy-washy and just go ahead and do something, but moving out is not something like buying a new sweater or swimsuit. Then I realised that we'd been talking for 10 min and it was getting late, so I told him to call the 2 prospective drivers he'd found. It was well-intentioned, but at that moment, it may have seemed as if I was brushing him off. Who knows how he read it? Anyway, he said, ok, I'll call you tomorrow or on Wednesday...so non-commitally that I said bye quite abruptly out of indignation.

So...now I wonder if he will actually call me. If he were serious, he probably would've called me after he tried calling them, or at least send me an sms. It's funny how he used to be the one who called me (though not often either) and suggested stuff to do. Men really do get complacent in a relationship, don't they? So really, what does he want and why does he even bother with having a girlfriend? He doesn't tell me important stuff, nor does he wanna spend much time with me...whether in person or on the phone. So, of what use am I to him?

And yet, I feel so frustrated and restless. I can't think about anything but will he really call...is he pissed...does he care...does he think I'm not good enough for him? I'd hate to admit it, but sometimes I feel so neglected and insecure. Or do I expect too much?

The weekend was one busy one.

Woke up at 5am to go swimming. No one else I knew was there! Gulp. Was told by the instructor that I'd been swimming the wrong way all this time. Was trying to practice swimming the correct way, but how do you suddenly change something you've been doing for 9 years? It is very hard. Old habits die hard...esp if they're the only one way you've known. Then he said like how come I always only swam breastroke. I said the rest were too tiring...and he was like, but it's SPORT! It's supposed to be tiring. So I swam backstroke just for him to see that I wasn't that bad after all. He said there was nothing wrong. I said it was not very fun cos I drank lots of water. But ok, I guess I should go swim the other strokes, though I don't like them very much.

After that, I went grocery shopping. Almost died under the weight of all the groceries. And I FORGOT to hand the cashier my receipt for the empty bottles! Arrgh. And I don't go to that supermarket very often anymore...so...maybe I'll have to wait till Friday again...hope I don't forget AGAIN!

Went to watch "A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" with Steffi that afternoon. It was a tad cheesy, but I didn't really mind it all that much. Sometimes you do want watch kinda dumb, cheesy stuff. We polished off a bag of chips and a packet of sweets.

Went home and didn't feel like doing anything really. But somehow I managed to waste time till it was nearly 8pm. I guess in between I'd made sago with peach. The only problem was that there were some hard bits. Sigh. I watched an episode of "Home Improvement" and was thinking about getting ready to make the potato mushroom bacon gratin for Max when he suddenly came in. I was kinda surprised, since I'd expected him at 9pm. But ok, so he helped me make it...and decided to eat some raw onions. He somehow loves raw veg...like salads. It was awful! And he kept saying we should put more onion into the gratin! But anyway, it turned out quite good, except it was a bit salty. After that, we had the dessert.

The next morning, he wanted to sleep a bit more, so I showered very quickly and rushed to the train station to pick Lee Ting up. In rushing, I didn't have time to moisturize my hands. Max was like, "How can you forget! Do it as soon as you can!" But we rushed around the whole day, so I kept forgetting! We had breakfast at my place, then we went to see the sights in Dresden. We walked quite a lot. I kept asking them if we could take a break. I was really tired from walking. The weather wasn't great, but it was pleasant enough. We took some photos and all that. I took a photo of Max...he was showing me a mean face cos he didn't wanna be in the photo. But I think it looks kinda cute anyway. He said I was biased. But what's wrong with that? We went for lunch (cos I was complaining that I was hungry) at the branch of the Mexican restaurant we went to the last time. Wanted to eat at a Greek restaurant, but they were closed. Then we went to a supermarket and a bakery to get some food. We went back to my place after that. Max had his chocolate cake and decided that he really had to leave. He only intended to stay till 2pm or so, but it was nearly 6pm or later when he left. Lee Ting and I went to the Grosser Garten to walk...then after walking through, we went to Prager Str. to shop a bit. We bought some stuff from an Asian supermarket, including a fruit salad which turned out to be very nice! It was only 50 cents. We went into a bookshop, where I bought "Der Dativ ist dem Genitiv sein Tod", which I have been tempted to read for a while. Lee Ting convinced me that it was probably worth the 8.90 Euro. She bought 2 books too.

We went back to my place and baked a cake together. Then we were hungry, so we made thai green curry. It was delish! After that, we were full and tired, so we went nearly immediately to sleep. I was kinda glad that Max had stayed over the previous night, so I didn't have to pump up the inflatable mattress by myself. He did it on Friday night.

The next morning, we woke up at around 9-9.30am. We had breakfast and decided to go to Schloss Pillnitz. The weather wasn't so great and we were freezing after a while, but it was still ok. We left at around 1.27pm and reached home at around 2.30. We stood outside Subway for a while and I got very tempted by the chicken terriyaki sandwich. But I didn't buy it lah.

We watched "The English Patient" but Lee Ting had to leave before the show ended, so I'll bring it to her when I go back to Singapore. She left some of her clothes here too...so I'll bring them for her as well.

Then there was this whole internet chaos...but finally we have Internet again! Turns out the Internet has been so weak that Claudia decided to buy a switch to make the connection stronger. It works really well, but when she turns it off, there's no Internet for the rest of us either. She turns it off at night and when she's gone because it's too loud. But that guarantees us at least a few hours of Internet a day, which is better than nothing.