There has been no Internet in my hostel room since Friday. Well, except like in the middle of the night, but I'm not exactly interested in staying up late just for that. If I don't get enough sleep, I'll just be really grumpy about going to class. I don't believe in making a boring lecture even more unbearable by going there half asleep. So, I just have to sit in the computer pools and do all the stuff that I usually do at home. Probably the only benefit is that I don't spend hours on MSN or just surfing aimlessly. But it also means that my main source of communication with the world has been cut off. Which leaves me depressed and grumpy and frustrated.
Max has been sick since Sunday, so on Monday and yesterday, I went over to his place to, well, just keep him company. He's got the flu...but somehow I think I've a pretty good immune system, because I haven't caught the flu from him. I hardly ever got the flu anyway. The first semester that I was here, I just caught a cold and well, there really is a difference between a cold and a flu. The latter leaves you totally fatigued and useless...while a cold is just an inconvenience more than anything else.
Hmm, I guess maybe the stereotype is true...that men just wanna give solutions to problems. I'm not sure they really just listen. But ok, I admit that I'm not very good when it comes to solving problems. My mum calls it 'shadow-boxing', because I rationalise away every possible solution and end up miserable and helpless. I really see the pros and cons of each possibility too clearly, which makes it hard for me to decide. Max thinks I look at everything too negatively. Maybe. I don't know why I don't just do something about it. It, referring to having no desire to do anything and harping on all my problems the whole day. I don't know what I do with my time. I don't watch tv, I don't like go out for fun, I don't go shopping so much anymore, I don't read as many books (for fun) as I used to, I don't do my homework...I just either sleep or stare into space. Which is definitely not a good thing. I tried to make some changes in my life. I signed up for Swedish classes, I signed up for the uni's swimming programme. I guess I should plan my time well, and see what else I want to do with my life.
One other thing that has been greatly troubling me this semester is my Intermediate Exam. While Professor Schaefer said it was probably ok that I didn't have Latin, Professor Voss, the guy in charge now, said that I needed another language. I told him what Prof Schaefer said and he said he'd ask her about it. Well, truth be told, I don't actually have much time left. The closing date for registrations is next Wednesday. While I have every other qualification that's required for the exam, this stupid foreign language requirement is the only THORN in my flesh. It's the only thing standing in my way. But all I can do is wait. I have to write him an email so he can give me an answer. But what can I say? 'Hello, have you spoken to Prof Schaefer yet? Please please speak to her!! I beg of you. If you haven't...well, how come? You can just try calling her. It will only take 5 minutes!' Right. I'm really troubled by that now. I mean if I can't take it this sem, I'll have nothing to do next sem, except to learn Swedish so that I can fulfil the language requirements. And I'll have to take both Intermediate Exams next sem. Well, on the up side, I have like LOTS of time to study. Maybe I can find a job too. I don't know. I'll have to wait for Prof Voss' answer before I start worrying about the alternatives. But to be honest, I just feel bad, because I'll be wasting my parents' money. And I don't want to waste extra time. Sigh. When I told Max this, he gave me like a thousand suggestions on what I can do. While I appreciate it, I kinda felt like a little kid being lectured by her father.
It's not easy not having anyone to complain to directly. But I guess once I have an outlet, the problems don't actually appear so big anymore. I have this horrible reflex of panicking and taking everything too seriously. Well, not everything. The funny thing is that sometimes Max and I cannot coordinate when it comes to being relaxed or worried about something. When I panic, he's relaxed and can't understand what I am thinking. And sometimes when he's panicking, I'm like 'It's no big deal...why do you worry so much?' Haha. Well well...human sympathy...doesn't always function.
Well, I think I wanna make life better for myself. I shan't hole myself up in my room thinking of all the horrible things that are happening to me. I wanna do things. I know I feel very unhappy when I can't go out and do what I want. And most importantly, I've got to remember that I can survive without having people close to me the whole time...you know, enjoy my own company, which isn't bad. Stop being dependent on other people for my happiness. It's doable..I know :)
