I'm 21! I don't know whether to be happy or not. I don't think I ever wanted to be an adult and deal with all the responsibilities that come along with it. I mean yeah...right...the thought of being able to get married without parents' approval is so exciting..NOT. I mean I suppose the best part is getting to watch R21 films...but erm, to be honest, I can watch all these same shows in Germany without having to be 21..just have to be 12. Haha.

Today was a nice day. Not like party party all the way, but I had a pleasant day. Was sleeping in Fu Wei's room last night, cos friends of a friend came over to stay and since I didn't wanna sleep in the same room as two guys, I asked Fu Wei if I could sleep in her room. And this morning, I was awoken by a phone call from my mummy!! :) So happy...although I was still half asleep. They're gonna get me a birthday cake when I get home! Yay! I didn't have a cake today. I was too lazy to bake one. Had been baking quite a lot in the past few months...didn't buy bananas...so couldn't make my fave banana cake. Banana and pineapple cake is really nice...very very fragrant!

I got an sms from Sherry, Obi and Pudgy. (No, just one..from all 3) and that was about it for a while. Then I got one from Jiat Ling. Thanks!! And thanks for calling me too! You're the best! Ying Han smsed me. And tried to call...but didn't know the ringing tone from the engaged tone. :P Haha. Sorry man..the ringing tone in Germany sounds exactly like an engaged tone. I must ask pple what the engaged tone sounds like though. I don't think I've ever gotten that before. I received Kheng Hui's card today too. Just on time! :)Thanks!

I cooked Ba Kut Teh for lunch and had it with Fu Wei. We also had rice with Lap cheong and some fried veggie. I used to think that I hated Ba Kut Teh, but it's not that bad actually, I think. Maybe when you leave Singapore for so long, it's like that. You begin to like stuff that you weren't very fond of.

Then I erm...packed my room...and then I watched "The Champion" VCDs...actually wanted to go online and check mails, but the internet connection was really like shit. Always got very weak internet for a few seconds, then nothing...so actually, you can't do anything of any use. Then watched VCDs and tried to fiddle with the computer...and ended up nearly LATE for my dinner appointment! I bathed and RAN down to the tram stop...with my hair soaking wet. Which is not a good thing to do considering the temp was like -5 deg C. I think my hair was turning into ice! And guess what? I FORGOT my wallet AGAIN!! So dumb! No semester ticket and no money. Damn it! I was like shivering in fear that I'd meet a conductor. The fines are exorbitant! Then when I got to the stop I was supposed to get off, I had to pee...like crazy! But my friend wasn't there yet. And I tried calling him twice...but he didn't pick up! So I called another friend who lived one stop away, if I could go to her place to use the toilet. Just then, I saw my friend, Max. We practically ran to the restaurant, cos I had to pee so badly. But the restaurant is cool. The food was pretty good and the atmosphere too. We ended up staying there for 4 hours. He gave me a great present, for someone whom I've only met twice before. It was this perfume called "Pink Planet". It's pink *duh*...so I like the colour already. The bottle is in the shape of a globe. Very interesting (but no Singapore on it). And it smells GREAT! Well...I like it anyway. :)That's like a super good guess man! I got a Winnie the Pooh CD case from Fu Wei. SO Super CUUUTE! And Mai gave me star earrings that are pink and blue! I love all my presents so far. No candles or bodywash/shampoo please! I have enough of those. :) How about goggles or flippers? Please help me fulfil my dream of swimming every day when I'm in Singapore. Hahaha! I just ordered a swimsuit. Hope it fits man. I know it's not the one that the people I surveyed chose, but hey...I'm into boring black. Don't have the figure to wear the blue one...I'd look like a hmm..stuffed blue sausage. And the purple one...well..maybe I prefer a one-piece to hide my scar and other flaws. But erm...probably cannot really hide anything in a swimsuit. Urgh. That's why I like swimming in my pool. No one to see me in a swimsuit. :) What else would I want? I dunno. I like surprises...but not a 2005 calendar. I have 2 already. No organizers either. Also have a lot of those. No mugs either...but stuffed toys, accessories and stuff are ok. You can never have too many of those. How about a gym membership? That would be an excellent present...but too ex lah. SIgh. Haha...sorry..this is the wrong place to put my list. The people who asked me what I wanted for my birthday don't usually read my blog. Oh well...just to air it out.

Oh well...let's see what it's like to be 21. Hope it's fun and i won't regret it. :)

Man...finally...after procrastinating for more than half a year, I have finished my paper on Berlin and Transsexuality. I'm so relieved. All I hope now, is that my lecturer is still willing to read it. Argh. If not, well, I'll have to do another seminar in summer and write another paper...NOOOOOOO! Well, I'll hand it in tomorrow morning..or afternoon rather...got class the whole day. Have to write my lecturer and apology letter first, I think.

BOy..I guess I really am more efficient when I'm single. I haven't done proper work for nearly half a year. I so need to have time for myself and my work. After this, I will start on my new term paper. Have 2 more (at least) to do this semester. Hope to finish one more before I go back to Singapore...or at least half. But boy do I feel a whole great weight off my shoulders. Whoopie!

I think I really like being alone. Not all the time of course, but when I need to do work or think about things, the best thing for me is to be alone, without the distraction of other people.

I think I shall sleep early tonight. Got a long day tomorrow. :)

It's officially over. Nope, unfortunately I don't have any breaking news. It's just that I just broke up with my boyfriend. I don't feel very sad in the sense that I don't feel like crying or starving myself or eating too much. But there're some things that will definitely be very different. It's moving out of the comfort zone that I've gotten into. I'll have to get used to not having someone around all the time. But I guess it shouldn't be too hard. I've spent most of my life single anyway. I guess the relationship was at the end of its road already. I can't live in a possessive, stifling relationship and he can't deal with the way I behave, especially with other guys. But that's just me. I also can't multi-task...so I can't concentrate on 2 things at once...or two people at once. And lately, I'd been really busy filming the second part of the Big Unknown 2, so I didn't have time for him. But I guess it's partly cos of his intense jealousy that I couldn't take it anymore. I was also tired of explaining to him every single thing did. I don't like to feel I'm responsible to anyone for my life. I'm not saying he's bad or anything. I think our lifestyles and priorities are just too different...that's all. It's probably better for both of us in the long run.

He's still a good guy and will be a very faithful boyfriend to the next girl he falls in love with, I think. Unfortunately, I can't give him the devotion that he needs. I've got too flighty a personality. I'm no commitment phobe, but I like the thrill of the chase...even if I don't catch anything. I like the freedom to do that. Maybe I'm a bitch. Who knows. Anyway, it's over...even if it didn't end the way it should've.

To be honest, he had been considering repeatedly, if he should break up with me. At that time, I'd still been fighting to keep him. But slowly, I realised the futility of it all (although now he's the one who didn't wanna give up on the relationship) and how stifling and tiring it was for me. I won't list all his bad points and rant on and on about it...cos I've got my own weaknesses too. But I guess it's better to hurt now than for the long term. Anyway, I tried to break up with him last week, but after that, we went for a walk...and by the end of it, I'd taken him back. I won't say why. But this weekend away in Ehingen made me realised that I needed some change in my life. But I didn't just break up with him cos of the show or because the cameraman kept bringing it up whenever I mentioned "boyfriend". And when the crew were saying their goodbyes, they added stuff like "BE good".."Drink more water and sleep enough"...and he said, "Don't forget to break up with your boyfriend!" Haha. It was hilarious, but don't worry. I'm not that kinda person who will do something just because of what someone else tells me.

This whole weekend was an adventure. Maybe one gone terribly wrong...but it was still an adventure. And I was the idiot who caused all of it. I got us on the wrong train on the way to Würzburg...damn it. I don't know how stupid I can get. Anyway, we ended up in Frankfurt instead...and in the meantime, we found out that the Würzburg trip wouldn't have been feasible anyway, cos the girl we were supposed to visit didn't have time for us. So we decided to go straight to Ehingen. But there were some problems. We either had to travel overnight and wait in Ulm for 4 hours. Or stay in Frankfurt at the train station for even longer...cos we couldn't find a hotel to stay in. SO we took the overnight option and stayed 4 hours in Ulm. The guys were nice and made a makeshift bed for me on the seats...but after a while, I was practically freezing to death, so I couldn't sleep anymore. Ended up just walking around and talking and observing the weirdos at the station. Finally, the misery was over and we could go to Ehingen. But we couldn't sleep anyway, cos the rooms weren't ready till like nearly 9am. So we drank super expensive tea/coffee (bloody 3.50 Euros each!!) and waited for 3 hours till we nearly died. Then finally we could sleep!! I was so relieved. What a harrowing experience! But it was interesting nonetheless.

There were quite a lot of funny incidents that happened this time round...but they're too many to tell all at once...so I'll leave it for next time!