No updates for a while already. But no one leaves any comments anyway. Why should I care? Blogging is not about getting your stuff read anyhow.
Well, my keyboard has been malfunctioning the past 2-3 days..because I spilled water on it by accident. First stage: when I pressed 1 key, I got at least 3-4 other letters all at the same time. Or, with certain letters, like d or t, they just came out in unstoppable streams. AND I mean UNstoppable. The backspace key didn't work either. Instead of deleting letters as it usually does, it spat strings of letters back at me...or when I wanted to delete ONE letter, everything i just wrote disappeared. Second stage: most letters back to normal function, but the ctrl and alt keys where jammed, so practically every alternate letter opened a menu and caused me to do things I didn't want to do, like block people I was talking to, or invite people to join conversations or something like that. It was so super frustrating man! I screamed a lot of expletives that I usually never use. I couldn't talk to anyone properly either. Third stage: all keys back to normal, except the letter R....it just refused to be typed, try as I might. People ended up having to decode many of my sentences, like I told Ying Han to "bing you baang baang". I mean I never realised "R" appeared in SO MANY WORDS...friend became fiend, remember lost its head and tail: emembe. Etc etc. It was quite awful, but at least the random menu popping had stopped. Finally somewhere in the course of today, R decided to reappear. But it's still a bit weak now. As in it doesn't always come out when I press it. But thank God it functions again.
There was suddenly no net again last night. I walked out to see a notice asking people to check their cables before they went home...with MY room number on it. I was totally surprised, I mean I was SURE that I never wrote such a thing at all. So I wrote a note back asking who really wrote it. Turns out it's my neighbour who forgot his room number wasn't R3. Ah well...it wasn't a real problem anyway.
The exams were horribly done. The 2 German papers anyway. I don't know what's wrong with me. I should've studied harder, knowing that I would have problems with the language and expressing the concepts properly. History always repeats itself. But this time, it's not like pri sch, sec sch or JC, where there's only one big exam that counts. Here I need to pass every little module in order to move on. I have no parties to go to here. I have no TV...what on earth did I do with all my time? Oh yeah, I slept quite a lot, but guess what? Since a few nights before the last paper, I've returned to my insomniac ways. I can see dark eye rings and eye bags forming already. If you know what it's like to be insomniac, you will know that it's a torture. No matter how physically tired you are, you just cannot shut off your mind and go to sleep. The more you force yourself, the less you can sleep. It's one of the biggest tortures in the world. But the exams are over. I can't do anything. Even my mum says worry about it later, when the results come out. But I can't. I'm a perfectionist, but I am lazy. that's a super big paradox...and you know what? When I know I can't do something, or don't feel like it, I can give up 100% on myself and let myself go to seed...not care one bloody bit. It's like all or nothing with me. sad isn't it?
But then again, God puts stuff in your way and you begin to see things in perspective. They may be positive or negative events...or just certain strong emotions...and well, you realise it's no point sweating the small stuff. That there's a bigger scheme of things, that there's a world out there with beauty, despite the suffering and the pain. It's not always easy to see it that way. It's downright difficult...but pain and experience helps you to grow emotionally, spiritually. You must know the downs before you can fully appreciate the ups.
On the upside, I can't wait to get home. Well, firstly, I am going to Kassel to spend the weekend with Ruth, then we'll fly home together. I really thank God that Ruth is here in Germany...if it wasn't so, I wouldn't even have survived this semester here. Now we can do all sorts of crazy things...haha...what these crazy things are will have to remain secret, however. Who needs lovers on Valentine's Day? Haha.
Ugh, you know I am so impatient that I have my luggage fully packed already...except for the stuff I still need to use at the moment. A bit extreme maybe, but I want so badly to go home. I miss my family so much. I can't believe I haven't seen them for almost 5 months. As I grow older, my family becomes more important to me. My family's not perfect, but they are my family and I love them for what they are. I miss my grandmother and my auntie as well. I wanna spend some days of the week with them. I feel this month or so is just way too short. I miss my bed and ALL my stuffed toys. I miss having a crowded bed full of my inanimate friends! I miss being a little kid. I miss disturbing my mum every time she comes home from work and asking her to "help" me do a whole bunch of stuff I can actually do on my own, but ask her to do for me instead.
I miss my friends too. I'm the kind of person who doesn't have too many friends, but I appreciate the few that I have, because I know they can be relied on, they are real friends and not people I hang out with just for the sake of hanging out. I'm not into superficial "friendships". I like friends to be real. And thought I talk a lot, like really A LOT, I still think sometimes the best things are said without words.
I'm actually feeling sleepy now. But somehow I end up staring at the ceiling or tossing and turning until the wee hours...but I'm too tired to get up and read a book or play on the com or whatever...so I just lie there, hoping that I will go to sleep somehow. I keep dreaming of the good food in Singapore and my mouth waters and my stomach protests...too much pasta and tinned vegetables! Give us some real food! Ah well, der(die, das?) Countdown l?uft. Will be home sweet home soon!
