Life...and other afflictions

The rantings and uninteresting events of my life

Saturday, February 18, 2006

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.
Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.

You are best known for: your touch

Your dominant state: changing


What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is passionate and physical.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.


You Are a Powdered Devil's Food Donut

A total sweetheart on the outside, you love to fool people with your innocent image.
On the inside you're a little darker, richer, and more complex.
You're a hedonist who demands more than one pleasure at a time.
Decadent and daring, you test the limits of human indulgence.


Your Stripper Song Is

Like a Virgin by Madonna

"Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
Feels so good inside
When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me"

No virgin-ness implied. Not at all.


Kelly Clarkson Shares Your Taste in Music


See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)


You're an Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble
Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.


You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth
Those who like you give into their impulses


Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.


Your True Sign Is Scorpio

Fiery
Powerful
Ambitious
Mysterious
Easily Obsessed
Full of Charisma
Universally Attractive
Possesive and Passionate


The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.


Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

"Isolation...is not good for meeee!!"

Yup, that just about describes me at the moment. Am going a bit insane from 2 weeks of complete isolation (with the exception of one or two hours of respite every couple of days). But I'm not saying I'll put up with any kind of company. Right now, I need positive energy. I have enough negativity to feed myself and the whole neighbourhood. Lots of things drive me crazy right now...I so need a change of environment.

I'm not exactly worrying about anything...worrying's not very productive...I think I'm basically frustrated. Have that "trapped in a box" feeling.

Ok, and I've thought a little bit about the exam on Monday. I really don't deserve a 1, for all the crap I said. I wish I could be an expert in a field...any field...but I'm not. There's nothing I'm particularly good at and it's a bit sad. Mediocrity is so boring. But, it seems I'm not destined for better things.

Was craving junk food that whole day today...but didn't have any, so I ate chocolate sprinkles...have to improvise. I could've gone out to buy some...but I was too lazy. I have to go out tomorrow anyway. Maybe I'll get some then.

I've been sleeping a lot the past 2 days. It might be cos I'm mentally exhausted from the exam...or it's an avoidance strategy. Blah...around 20 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours...that's a bit scary.

Anyway, I really have to get down to work now, I guess..though not really in the mood. I really need to relax for a long time after this coming exam is over! Swimming pool, here I come!

Monday, February 13, 2006

I SCREWED UP.

Sigh. I don't even feel like talking about it. I'm so sian of the whole thing. But somehow, I need to get it out of my system.

I studied really hard. I stayed home for 2 weeks and did nothing but study...and everything I studied didn't come in handy for the exam all. The stuff that came up in the exam wasn't mentioned explicitly during lectures...it can be classified as "extra reading". Still, I should've been smarter and realised that they'd ask something that not every single idiot who attended the lecture would know. So, on one hand, I didn't know what was coming out, and it's not like I didn't study...so how to blame myself for the less than perfect results? And on the other hand, I should've been smart enough to ask if I didn't know, right? Sigh.

Secondly, it was my first oral exam...I panicked...and ended up getting pronunciation and intonation all wrong...and believe me, it counts. Also, I can't really think on my feet. I ended up saying a lot of things which I ended up having to take back, cos they were wrong. And it was embarrassing.

Thirdly, some of the questions were not exactly specific. A lot of times, I asked myself, "What on earth is she trying to ask me? What is she looking for?"

Fourthly, she asked me about certain things I did know, and I even knew the supposed reasoning...but I didn't really understand why the reasoning was the reasoning...like for example, usually, vowels are the ones that give away non-native speakers...and the reason behind it is that vowels are produced within a very small area of the mouth, about 1/3 of the tongue. This much I know...but I don't understand WHY! I mean why does it mean that non-native speakers get vowels wrong because they're produced within such a small area? I mean ok, I got to hear the other reason later, but it's cos of this that I couldn't answer confidently. SHIT lah...sigh

Finally, I guess although I was crap, I kinda hoped for a miracle...but oh well. She asked if I was satisfied with my grade. I wasn't, but how could I say no? I mean as if she'd change it or what. And I thought I was okay with it, even though it wasn't what I'd hoped for. But the moment I stepped out of her office, the tears just started flowing. And believe me, the last thing I wanted to do was to cry. I didn't know why I felt so sad. But everything just poured out and I couldn't hold back the tears. I was utterly disappointed in myself...and I still am, whether or not there's a good reason for it. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the exam is in English and I have no bloody excuse to do badly...I mean if this is the kinda grade I get for an English exam, what kinda grade am I going to get for my German exam? Also, I know I am capable of much bettter. I know I'm not that intelligent, but I also know that I'm not stupid...and I know what I know and what I don't know...and this exam didn't show anyone what I do know. Sigh. What's the use of unfulfilled potential? It's worth as much as nothing.

I didn't feel like doing anything at all after that...despite my plans to go to town and relax a bit. I went back to my room and cried like I haven't cried in a long time. But then Ruth called me...and talking to her helped a lot. Needed to get it all out and I know she understands the position I am in. Then my neighbour came over and asked how it went. She made lunch for me and got me distracted from my disappointment for a while. After talking to her and Ruth, I felt like going out...because I didn't feel like staying in my room and doing nothing but mourn for my stupidity. I also really needed the fresh air.

So I forced myself to leave the house. I bought the skirt I've been eyeing for a while...I didn't really wanna buy more clothes, since I have many I haven't worn, but I like the way the skirt makes my butt look...haha...even though my legs look kinda gross..ah what the heck. I like the colour. And then I walked into New Yorker and found a pair of jeans for only 4,95...and it looked pretty good! I'm really happy with my buys. I guess retail therapy does work. I also splurged at dm...I spent a total of nearly 35 Euro...SGD 70!! Yipes! But I bought a new electric toothbrush, cos I realise that my gums are receding...and I should take better care of my teeth and gums. I don't wanna have to wear dentures prematurely. Anyway, it was special Payback week...so I get 5 times the number of points for my purchases. Not bad eh? Anyway...I bought a lot of stuff that I've been tempted to try out. Lee Ting called me while I was at dm...talking to her helped too. I guess all in all, I don't feel THAT bad anymore. But I am sad.

Well, I didn't do any studying today...my eyes hurt from crying...I hope I'll be fit to start my revision for DaF tomorrow.