I'm at Jasmine's place right now. We were supposed to have a sleepover, but I conked out 1am..so I wasn't exactly fun. The rest stayed up till 3-4. I guess I must be getting old. I need lots of sleep every day, if not I'll just be grouchy. That said, however, older people actually sleep less. Ok, so I am not getting old...I'm getting more Koala-like. If I remember it correctly, the zoo guide in Australia told me (8 years ago...gosh, has it been so long since I was last in Australia?) that Koalas sleep 20 hours a day or something. I don't remember what he looked like, though I remember thinking that he was cute. My aunt and cousin had a whole list of cute guys. Speaking of cute guys, the women in my department are very silly. Haha. They were all crowding around someone's computer yesterday to look for the photos of all the cute guys working in EDB. Mind you, these women are mostly married and have at least one kid...and some are currently pregnant too (though maybe it's the hormones).

Someone told me (can't remember who at the moment), said that if he's the right guy, he'll come and look for you. You don't have to go look for him. By the way, this is a hypothetical guy...I am not talking about a real guy in my life right now. There's no one who catches my attention, nor I, his. Anyway, I really wonder how love works. You obviously need some kind of formula, though it definitely ain't the same formula for every relationship. It's like a chemistry experiment. All the conditions have to be right..the environment, the right proportion of individual components etc. Or we could compare it to cooking. Sometimes you can follow a recipe closely and still, your dish doesn't look or taste like what you expect it to. And even then, you can only try to guess what you did wrongly in retrospect. It's like this time my neighbour wanted to learn how to make my "no way you can fail" butter cake. But erm, sadly to say, despite the fact that she's an otherwise spectacular cook (she's great and will make a great chef/wife), she made the cake according to my recipe like 7-8 times and the cake turned out too watery all the time. We thought about it for very long and even tried different things, like putting less egg, mixing stuff slowly, not all at once..etc. But in the end, I watched her make it and it dawned upon me that the measurement for the flour could've been way off. So we added more flour...and guess what? It worked! But I'm not saying that relationships can be simplified to that...it's just an analogy. Still, it's not that I don't believe in love. It's more like, it seems that love was made for other people, not me. Like I was born to live life vicariously, at the sidelines. But then, when I see people in stable, loving relationships, I can't help but feel sad for msyelf. Like they live in a dimension that I'll never be a part of. I'm not sure why though. I may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but I don't think I'm as ugly as hell either. I'm no Einstein, but I'm not a complete retard either. Personality-wise, well, I know I'm introverted and am not very good around strangers...but I am still ok in general. Unless maybe I am way too blind to all my faults. If I am, then well...I'm not sure how that can change. It is very painful for me. It's been so long...nearly 2 months since I was dumped...and all this time, I've been wondering what on earth is wrong with me, or what I did wrong. I see some areas that could've been improved, but all in all, I'm still clueless. Not that knowing the answer can turn back time and make all that has happened not happen...but maybe then I could live with myself. As Jas quotes from Opera, "he's just not that into you". Which, is again, very sad, especially when I remember the first 2 months when we were together, when he was so sweet and shy. He did warn me that I'd see his bad side. But I never thought that'd include him breaking up with me so quickly. It is true that love is blind. Like many other people who've experienced a break up, sometimes I wonder if someone better will really come along. The whole fiasco with Max really made me think about what I really want from my potential boyfriend, and to be honest, there is a long list. For one, I do need my alone time and privacy, although to Max it might not have seemed that way. I would like him to want to spend a lot of time with me, but we really don't have to be together 24/7. Twice a week is realy fine for me. It's just the thought that counts. He wouldn't have to call me every day either, and definitely not 10 times a day, but it would be nice to know he's thinking about me and wants to talk to me sometimes. I'd like a guy who's intelligent, but not too know-it-all or philosophical. That's just as bad as being too superficial and not knowing much about anything. In my ideal relationship, I could learn something from him and he could learn something from me...I'd like an exchange of ideas. The one thing I really liked about Max was that he accepted my views, even if he didn't agree with them. He also made some good points when he argued his case...without being all defensive. I really really like that in a guy. I hate chauvinism and guys who think their girlfriends should always agree with them (at least in public). Certainly, I don't want a guy obsessed with his looks, his dressing or with earning money. To be honest, I want a guy who's at least 70% comfortable in his own skin. I don't mind reassuring someone, but it will get tiring and insecurity leads to possessiveness and lack of trust...and that is what I really really hate! If I trust you enough, why can't you trust me too? Anyway, looks-wise, I like the cute, intellectual look. Ok ok, cute nerds. I don't need anyone who's got a perfect body, but I'd prefer him not to be too skinny. He has to weigh more than me at least and I'm no featherweight.

Ok, Jas is up. Yay! Can eat!