Leaving for Germany tomorrow night. Feel excited and sad. But it's not the same kind of strong feelings I had the previous times. For example, I have given up packing way in advance. In fact, I will go out tomorrow morning, watch a movie, get my hair cut and coloured...then come home, dump all the stuff into my suitcase and hope I didn't forget anything.

On one hand, I wanna see Max again. On the other, I'll have to think about school and homework and all the responsibilities...and there'll be no familiarity and convenience of home. Ugh.

I got to meet up with a lot more people this time. People I haven't met in eons. And I'm grateful for that. Ok. You can probably tell that I am beginning to zone out. I should get to sleep like ASAP, cos I have to wake up early tmr.

Does anyone actually read my blog anymore? Well, I suppose no one comments, even if they do read it. Sorry for not having any comment-worthy posts recently.

I feel like I'm in a some kind of a rut recently. I'm in a lousy mood and I have no idea why. Is it just one of those blue patches? When will it pass? I feel like my closest friends and I are growing apart. One's never online anymore, and 2 are like so busy with school and other matters as well. One's busy with BGR problems and probably despises me cos of other reasons too. Is it them or is it just me? Do I care too much? I don't wanna take it out on them or anyone else. But what can I do about it?

Right now I'm feeling ignored. I feel like I am sometimes taken for granted. Not that I am not guilty of that too sometimes...but...sigh.

I've also got one of these feelings of deja vu. Sometimes I don't know what people have on their minds. What do they want from me? Am I some sort of replacement or something? Am I a last resort? Maybe all my insecurities are coming back to haunt me. What's happening man?

I guess maybe I just need to get my life in order. Start doing my homework diligently and caring less about other things. I don't know.

So much has happened...so much activity. Yet...sigh. Whatever. I am in a cynical mood when I am online these days....although I pretty much feel normal during the rest of the day. Well, maybe I have no one to talk to online anymore, I guess.